Friday, July 11, 2014

Spokesman for the Spies?

I am not looking for a job, nor do I ever plan to look again. But I have not turned off the various job feeds I signed up for a few years ago, just in case something pops up that may be of interest to a friend.

Lookie, lookie at the job opening that popped up today:

Director of Strategic Communications, NSA, Fort Meade, Maryland

I can only imagine how many layers of approval the NSA Comms Director has to go through to issue a press statement. (Though not necessarily any kind of court approval.)

Some of the statements in the NSA job description are outright laughable:

"... outreach designed to meet the President's expectations for greater transparency ..." - as opposed to the deliberate obfuscation that the NSA and White House have been doing since the Snowden and other illegal surveillance activities were revealed? (Notice the careful wording, the President's "expectations," ie what Obama really wants, not necessarily the "most transparent administration ever" he publicly promised ... and has proved to be just the opposite.)

"Lead the work of state-of-the-art ... recording studies." Hmmmm, wonder what for?

"Perform all duties in a manner fully consistent with the law ..." Hahahahahahahahaha.

"... and with an unwavering commitment to the protection of privacy and civil liberties." Seriously, they can say this with a straight face?

"... the ability to bring about strategic change ..." Oh, how I would like to change the NSA! Stopping spying on US citizens would be a start.

"... creating an environment that promotes employee engagement ..." Such as suppressing legitimate whistleblowers, ruining their lives, throwing them in jail?

"... preserving, protecting, and defending the nation's laws and liberties ..." Redundant from above, but nice eye-candy.

" ... seek and speak the truth ..." Which won't be easy in a culture where lying starts at the top, ie James Clapper lying to Congress, and never being charged with perjury.

Salary: Up to $175,000. (And all the under-the-table perks you can handle from government contractors.)

Aside from the 10 years of government service requirement, which I am glad to admit I never accumulated (none in fact), my comms skills and experience line up very well with the job description. I could step right into this job. (I even have my own headphones!)

But as much as I detest what the NSA has been doing - and I don't argue in favor of zero surveillance of truly bad guys - the only way I could get hired for this job would be to habitually lie throughout the application and interview process. Wait ... after further consideration, I think I'd be perfect for the job!

Hey, NSA, since you already know everything about me, do I need to send you a formal application? Or are you already considering my credentials? (Please ignore that recent trip to Russia. I did NOT see Edward Snowden when we were there.)

No comments:

Post a Comment