Saturday, August 16, 2014

Inner Dragons

Argilarium, La Grande Parade, Argeles-sur-mer 

There were no doubt a few nightmares last night. Toddlers who had not been pre-conditioned to understand the huge 'fire'-breathing dragon swinging his enormous, acrid-smelling head in their direction was mechanical and not real. The young teenage girl chased around the square by the 12-foot costumed ghoul on stilts.

We all have dragons we face, some sporadically, some daily, some for a lifetime. Many of the dragons or demons are created in our own imagination, fears of what calamity might befall us, sometimes based on real events, sometimes mere worry of the unknown future. Or our dragon/demon might be the frustration of unfulfilled dreams.

At this point, safe to say, I'll never play the professional golf tour. Nor even a single event such as the Dick's Sporting Goods Open in Endicott, NY, on the PGA Champions Tour - which they are playing this week - a tournament I helped start about 40 years ago as the B.C. Open. That dream passed, unless they invent a fountain of youth, so I'll always wonder what might have been. And try to be content that I had a small role in launching something that has benefited the community for four decades.

I used to worry much more about money. That's because I had assented to the bigger/more stuff is better consumerist philosophy in America and taken on all the mortgage and credit card debt that the banksters thought my income at the time could handle. Today, I make less than I ever have, except perhaps the earliest years of my career, but because of our simplistic lifestyle we have more than enough to meet our needs and even help some others along the way.

Professionally, I fret over doing a solid job on a project. That's a good fret in that it keeps me motivated to over-research and continually refine, knowing if I satisfy my own very high standards the chances are good I'll satisfy my client in the process.

If I have any frustration, it is that there does not seem to be enough time to do all the things I want to do - not anything that someone else is requiring but projects that I want to make happen.

As I get older, I think more about health issues. Not so much fear of dying, for I've had a very good and interesting life and can live with any regrets. Not so much concern about pain, discomfort. More about becoming a burden on someone else by lacking the capacity to take care of myself.
I know there are real monsters in the world. The banksters and politicians who control the levers of power - to the benefit of the few and the general detriment of the many. As with the multi-ton mechanical beast rolling through the streets of tiny Argeles last night, we'd best stay out of the way or get mangled. Until someone figures out a way to unplug their power source.

I've always been a very sound sleeper. Always had the ability, pretty much, to tune out the angst of the day, leave it til tomorrow. The times I am restless are generally because I haven't gotten as much done as I think I should have, which means I'm adding to the pressure of the next day.

But the changes in my life the past couple of years, including a partner who supports me unconditionally, as I do her, have eliminated any demons I may have harbored in my previous iteration.

The pressure to merely survive, to try to meet others' manipulations,  is history for me. The only objective each day now is to live life to the fullest and make a positive difference where I can. Take that, dragon.  

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